Religimericks

anthropomorphic by Seth Brown

Most religions depict their own god
As one anthropomorphic, not odd.
Fewer people will pray
To a dull shade of gray
Than a being with man's face and bod.

atheize by man from tashkent

I command your beliefs to come out;
Give in to suspicion and doubt!
This religion won't do,
I shall atheize you.
Deny God, or He'll bring on a drought!

barratry by David Vestal

A sinner, a thief, a hard case
By barratry bettered his place.
He paid some religions
(And played them like pigeons).
Now he's Reverend Saint Rabbi, His Grace.

anthropopathy by Chuck Folkers

I'm a man, not some park-dwelling pigeon;
Correspondingly, in my religion
My god's like a man—
He's a Patriots fan!
Anthropopathy? Maybe a smidgen.

(an-thruh-PAH-puh-thee): the attribution of human qualities to the divine

blasphemous by oneslowtyper (John Scunziano)

In this blasphemous world, Left and Right
Twist religion to prove what they cite.
From Vishnu to Jesus,
The gods want to please us,
But not until man sees the light.

(BLAS-fuh-muss) Considered offensive to God or religion.

antireligion by Chris J. Strolin

I'm not antireligion, per se;
I'm just not a "church person," OK?
If that works for you, fine,
But that's your way, not mine.
Let me worship my God my own way.

Buddhist by Chuck Folkers

To the Buddhist, enlightenment's path
Shows a certain immutable math:
Whether eightfold or four,
This religion's got more
Numbered points than the other ones hath.

Adherents of Buddhism might be instructed in the Three Characteristics of Existence, the Four Noble Truths, the Noble Eightfold Path, the Three Refuges, and many more enumerations that could lend themselves to bullet-point presentation.

catechization by Chris Doyle (Chris Doyle)

By catechization, religion
Is taught, leaving only a smidgen
Of freedom to think
For yourself. They say blink,
And you blink—a Pavlovian pigeon.

Calvinism by Chris Doyle (Chris Doyle)

In Calvinism, God reigns supreme,
And depravity (man's) is extreme.
It's predestined that hell
Is where sinners will dwell.
This religion ain't peaches and cream!

The theological system of Calvin and his followers is marked by a strong emphasis on the sovereignty of God, the depravity of mankind, and the doctrine of predestination.

cafeteria Catholic by Chris J. Strolin

Cafeteria Catholics may say
That premarital sex is OK.
The devout they disdain,
But Church leaders maintain
One's religion is not a buffet.

The term cafeteria Catholic, often used pejoratively, refers to an individual who claims to be Catholic but who will pick and choose which Church teachings he or she will follow. For example, the Catholic Church is officially against gay marriage, the ordination of women as priests, divorce and remarriage, premarital sex, and most methods of birth control, while a cafeteria Catholic may be personally in favor of one or all of these. Many such individuals hope that their views will someday help change those of the Church, something that is not likely to occur in the foreseeable future.

Bible-thumper by Roger Dunn (Roger Dunn)

Bible-thumpers are short in supply.
"Trust the old-time religion!" they cry.
"Renounce sex, lust and sin!"
(But before I begin,
To be fair, I should give them a try!)

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster by psheil (Peter Sheil)

There are some for whom this is a joke,
While some others may splutter and choke.
This monster, spaghetti,
(It flies!) is no yeti —
Is religion all mirrors and smoke?

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was founded in 2005 to protest against the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution. At the time of writing this limerick the church's website may be found at http://www.venganza.org/

Christian religion by bob killian (Bob Killian)

The Christian religion got traction
From Emperor Constantine's action.
His reasons were practical,
Thoroughly tactical.
He made it much more than a faction.

The Emperor Constantine made Christianity an official state religion in the early 4th century, and imposed it on the Empire. Christianity vaulted above many other competing religions and factions from that point forward.

benighted by Seth Brown

"My beliefs do not make you excited,
So it's clear that you must be benighted.
For if we don't agree,
You're less cultured than me."
Thus religion leaves millions slighted.

citied by Celia Warren (Celia Warren)

Any planet that's peopled and citied,
With steeple and dome, must be pitied,
For religion with floors
And windows and doors
Means war's the next thing to be fitted.

cosmolatry, cosmos, Cosmos by SheilaB (Sheila B. Blume)

His religion, he claims, is cosmolatry—
Not a popular faith, rather solitary,
But his neighbors assume
That he worships a bloom
Called the cosmos, and damn his idolatry.

(SOL-uh-tree)

Cosmolatry (koz-MAHL-uh-tree) refers to worship of the universe, not of flowers of the genus Cosmos, found on the popular and colorful fall-blooming cosmos plants.